Vampire's Kiss (1988)
In which Nicolas Cage plays a publishing executive who is an ass to his assistant
This movie is a doozy, and if we’d started with it this whole challenge might never have gotten off the ground. When we found out this was the source of the most famous Nick Cage meme we just couldn't resist—I mean, who could say no to this face?
Released in 1988, this is Nick Cage at his most Nick Cage-i-ness. It's over the top, chaotic, and he does this weird accent through most of it that was just so distracting I couldn’t take anything he said seriously. Joining Cage is Maria Conchita Alonso, who is wonderful as his secretary Alva, and Jennifer Beals, who plays the alleged vampiress Rachel.
After an evening escapade with Rachel, Peter (Cage) becomes convinced that she’s a vampire and that she’s turned him into one as well. Throughout the movie he's an ass to poor Alva, berating her for not finding a single piece of paper in a mountain of files, and as his mental state declines so did any good will I had for his character. He assaults Alva, kills a woman, and generally loses his mind. It’s a wild ride, and not one I’ll be watching again.
It reminded me of American Psycho, if Patrick Bateman were completely useless rather than psychopathic. I'm honestly astounded it ranks so highly out of all of Cage's movies—doesn't necessary bode well for some of the others on the list. Still, it was fun. I laughed, I felt bad for Alva, and I was happy to see him staked at the end.
I’d rate this 2/5 Cages, with a note that you should only watch this drunk. Even then, it’ll be tough.
If you’re interested in hearing more of my thoughts, stick around! There will be just about a hundred more of these, so you can watch my descent into madness in real time!